Sometimes life hands you lemons and you can make something of it, other times life pulverizes you with lemons and there isn’t much of anything left to save.
I’ll be honest, the past few weeks have been rough. It seems as though the hard stuff all happens at the same time for us. I’m not sure if anyone else experiences life this way but it seems to be a pattern for Joe and I.
I want nothing more than to slip away for a quiet and calm retreat. I want a day of no responsibilities where I can collect my thought, find my calm and just escape from everything but I have kids and there is no pause button for parenting. There are mouths to feed, diapers to be changes, carpool lines, potty accidents, scrapes and boo-boos that all need my attention when my brain is a million miles away. I feel like such a terrible mother when I snap at one of the boys for something small because life is hard.
Over the past few weeks I’ve been repeating “GRACE” to myself. At first it was a reminder to be gracious toward the other people that have caused me pain and the situations that were beyond my control but I’m slowly realizing that I need to apply a LOT of that grace at home, to my children. My boy are innocent bystanders and it is unfair of me to be ungracious toward them because life is hard for me.
When they accidentally spill their juice on the floor they aren’t doing so maliciously. GRACE
When they refuse to take their nap they don’t know how desperately I new few moments alone to collect myself and my thoughts, they just want their mommy. GRACE
When they bicker and fight. GRACE
When they exert their independence and will. GRACE
When they want extra cuddles, another book or for mommy to play. GRACE
I might not get to slip away for an entire day, or even a few hours but I do need to take a little time to receive grace. There are a lot of things I can’t control but I can make a conscious effort to be a more gracious mother and wife.