I’ve heard of Postpartum Depression but never Prenatal Depression, until now.
I had a complete meltdown last night. The kind where I admitted to Joe that I didn’t think I wanted another baby and where I felt like a failure as a mother. You know crazy, late night, ugly crying meltdown. Joe did what any good husband would do and reminded me that I am in fact a good mother, that my job is hard and that he too is scared of what the future holds. But last night I realized my feeling of being overwhelmed are probably a sign of prenatal depression.
Looking back I’m sure I had a mild case of PPD after Jude was born however after Noah was born I felt great. I’ve felt like super mom, until I found out I was pregnant with baby 3. It seems silly to me that I’m so overwhelmed at the thought of having 3 children. I know millions of women over the years have successfully cared for multiple children all very close in age. I feel like my depression is completely unwarranted. I’ve tried to brush off these feelings and assumed they were associated with our recent move. However, the move is over and I’m feeling even more overwhelmed.
I think what triggered last night’s meltdown was a glimpse of reality. The move is over, there is nothing left to distract me from what lies ahead and yesterday I finally made my first prenatal appointment with the doctor. It’s becoming real and it’s scaring the crap out of me.
Thankfully, I have an awesome husband who is not letting me deal with this alone. We stayed up late last night talking about ways we can work together so I don’t feel so overwhelmed and can find some peace in all of the day-to-day craziness. We cried together, talked about of fears and prayed together. While I still feel overwhelmed and down today I am hopeful, hopeful that this too will pass and that God will give me a indescribable peace. I’m also looking forward to my doctor appointment next week, I think talking to my doctor about my fears, seeing/hearing the baby and finally accepting reality will be a huge step toward healing.